This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on February 14, 2007 11:44 AM.
The previous post in this blog was Revenge of the worker bees.
The next post in this blog is While you're up.
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Be sure to shout "Allahu Akhbhar!" This little site seems widely enjoyed, and no one seems to notice (or care) that it doesn't work without an internet connection, usually unavailable on the plane etc.
Even pre-9/11, Penn Gillette had to pepper their original version of this little "practical joke" with warning upon warning to "DO NOT TRY THIS, EVER".
Nowadays, when people can't tell a Lite-Brite of a cartoon character from a "bomb", this will likely get you classified as a "terrorist" faster than it takes for the countdown to reach 0:00:00.
We took the MAX from downtown to the Rose Quarter last night for a hockey game. The woman next to my 2.5 year old was visibly high (The City that Tweaks), while furiously devouring a fruit roll-up, with a half-rack of PBR sitting on her lap ("Real fruit's too expensive: I'm on a tight budget" she explained). The fellow next to me was missing half his teeth, smelled like he hadn't showered in a month, and had a plastic grocery bag full of library books.
A literate bum? Only in Portland.
Rose Quarter security made my son throw away the 6 ounce bottle of water he had in his mini-backpack. Fortunately, the sippy cup went undetected. Security, or just a great way of boosting bottled water sales? It's a lousy way to make a family on a budget feel welcome.
Memorial Colliseum was filled to 6% of capacity, by my calculations (add up all the paid staff and the two hockey teams, and they likely outnumbered the fans). After shelling out $17.50/adult and $5/kid, we got to watch a mediocre hockey match with very low entertainment value. We won't be back.
"The woman was visibly high (The City that Tweaks)...The fellow next to me was missing half his teeth, smelled like he hadn't showered in a month..."
And to think that some people don't enjoy the MAX. Maybe Earl the Pearl (as our new US Senator) can get MAX extended out to my neighborhood, so I can enjoy the fine Portland citizens as well.
We took the MAX from downtown to the Rose Quarter last night for a hockey game. The woman next to my 2.5 year old was visibly high. . .while the fellow next to me was missing half his teeth, smelled like he hadn't showered in a month, and had a plastic grocery bag full of library books.
Mister Tee --
Are you upset that those people exist, or just that they're taking public transportation?
Hilarious!!! I'm going to try that on my next flight. I always get put next to people who never shut up. I swear I'm being punished for being a good listener.
Just wanted to share this with you all as well...enter in this code (MAXGUEST)on Hotel Deluxe's website (when you book a room) in the corporate rates section and get 15% off their best rate. http://www.hoteldeluxeportland.com
I'm staying there this weekend with my wife and pooches..it works.
I honestly don't care if people want to sit at home in their dirty underwear while smoking crack, eating fritos, and sucking
PBR through a straw. That's their business: to each their own.
When somebody that's high, mentally unstable, and/or wearing clothing soiled with feces climbs aboard MAX with their fritos and PBR, then it becomes my business. I do believe we can enforce minimum standards of personal hygiene and conduct if you want the PRIVILEDGE (not the right) to avail yourself of all public venues (aka libraries, public transit, parks, sidewalks). I also believe that business owners should be entitled to prohibit entry to anybody who doesn't meet the business owner's standards (i.e. No shirt, no shoes, No Service).
Public intoxication, public defecation/urination, possession of controlled substances and drug paraphenalia, public indecency are already against the law. If we augmented the "Downtown Clean and Safe" patrols with 30 uniformed PPB officers 24/7, then we could begin enforcing these laws once again. We would also require additional jail beds, but that's all the county's fault, right?
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend No. 12
Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
Famille Perrin, Cotes du Rhone Villages 2010
Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
Familia Bianchi, Malbec 2009
Terrapin Cellars, Pinot Gris 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2009
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Termpranillo 2010
Ravenswood, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2010
Waterbrook, Reserve Merlot 2009
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills, Pinot Grigio 2011
Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio 2011
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir 2009
Lello, Douro Tinto 2009
Quinson Fils, Cotes de Provence Rose 2011
Anindor, Pinot Gris 2010
Buenas Ondas, Syrah Rose 2010
Les Fiefs d'Anglars, Malbec 2009
14 Hands, Pinot Gris 2011
Conundrum 2012
Condes de Albarei, Albariño 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2007
Penelope Sanchez, Garnacha Syrah 2010
Canoe Ridge, Merlot 2007
Atalaya do Mar, Godello 2010
Vega Montan, Mencia
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir, Marlborough 2009
Portuga, Rose 2011
Revelation, Chardonnay, Pays d'Oc 2010
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2005
Monte Alto, Tinto Reserva 2005
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Cabernet, Indian Wells 2009
Espiral, Vinho Rose
Vin-Koru, Pinot Gris 2011
14 Hands, Hot to Trot Red 2009
Rodney Strong, Cabernet, Sonoma 2009
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #11
Portuga, White 2010
La Bourgeoisie, Red 2009
Januik, Red 2009
Three Rivers, River's Red 2008
Kirkland, Alexander Valley Merlot 2008
Muga, Rioja Rose 2010
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2009
Mauro Molino, Barbera d'Alba 2009
Garda Chiaretto Rose
Columbia Crest, Two Vines Vineyard 10 White
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris, Columbia Valley 2009
L'Hortus, Rose de Saignee 2010
Maculan, Pino & Toi 2008
McKinley Springs, Bombing Range Red 2008
Trader Joe's Pinot Gris 2009
Montes Alpha, Cabernet 2007
Gran Sasso, Sangiovese, Terre di Chieti 2009
Garda, Classico Chiaretto Rose
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 1999
Picos del Montgo, Tempranillo 2008
Chateau de Montmirail, Vacqueyras 2008
La Granja 360, Syrah 2009
Montgras, Carmenere Reserva 2009
Lange, Pinot Gris 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Cabernet 2008
Kirkland, Pinot Grigio 2010
Trader Joe's Coastal Syrah 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Merlot 2008
Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay 2009
Vieux Papes Red
Domaine de l'Aujardiere, Chardonnay 2009
Santa Rita, Cabernet, Medalla Real 2007
Penfold's, Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet 2008
Guild, Red, Lot #02 2008
Dievole, Dievolino Sangiovese 2008
Laforet, Burgogne Chardonnay 2009
Columbia Winery, Merlot 2007
Bonterra, Cabernet 2008
Elk Cove, Pinot Gris 2009
Maquis Lien 2006
Scott Paul, Pinot Noir, Le Paulee 2007
The Occasional Book
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt
Road Work
Miles run year to date: 21
At this date last year: 52
Total run in 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269
Comments (19)
With my luck, the irritating guy would be a jihadist.
Posted by rr | February 14, 2007 11:52 AM
oh I love it..
does anyone know what it says?
Posted by Anthony | February 14, 2007 12:09 PM
ROTFL.
Oh, that is soooo good!
Posted by Nonny Mouse | February 14, 2007 12:21 PM
Be sure to shout "Allahu Akhbhar!" This little site seems widely enjoyed, and no one seems to notice (or care) that it doesn't work without an internet connection, usually unavailable on the plane etc.
Posted by Allan L. | February 14, 2007 1:02 PM
Wouldn't work, the Arabic is clearly gibberish. :-)
Actually, while it is, in fact, gibberish, most people probably wouldn't be able to tell...
Posted by Lev Koszegi | February 14, 2007 2:22 PM
the Arabic is clearly gibberish
It actually says Franken for Senate. Not gibberish at all.
Posted by Chris Snethen | February 14, 2007 3:01 PM
Try that and win a free trip to Cuba!
Bask in the sun in laid-back Guantanamo, where time just seems to stand still.
Posted by godfry | February 14, 2007 3:12 PM
(or care)
Could you download the animation? Actually, who cares?
Posted by Jack Bog | February 14, 2007 4:05 PM
7. Spend a week in jail.
Posted by luke | February 14, 2007 4:49 PM
Wow that's very funny! I'm glad we can still laugh in this post 9-11 world.
Posted by Andy | February 14, 2007 7:17 PM
Yes, you can just download the animation to your computer. Then you can open it with your browser even if you're not on a network.
(In other news, I think I have a new idea for an April Fool's prank...)
Posted by Alan DeWitt | February 14, 2007 7:33 PM
This reminds of me of Penn & Teller's book "How To Play In Traffic"...
Even pre-9/11, Penn Gillette had to pepper their original version of this little "practical joke" with warning upon warning to "DO NOT TRY THIS, EVER".
Nowadays, when people can't tell a Lite-Brite of a cartoon character from a "bomb", this will likely get you classified as a "terrorist" faster than it takes for the countdown to reach 0:00:00.
Posted by Brian | February 14, 2007 9:07 PM
and then hopefully a sky marshall sticks his gun in your ear!
Posted by Jim Golden | February 14, 2007 10:23 PM
We took the MAX from downtown to the Rose Quarter last night for a hockey game. The woman next to my 2.5 year old was visibly high (The City that Tweaks), while furiously devouring a fruit roll-up, with a half-rack of PBR sitting on her lap ("Real fruit's too expensive: I'm on a tight budget" she explained). The fellow next to me was missing half his teeth, smelled like he hadn't showered in a month, and had a plastic grocery bag full of library books.
A literate bum? Only in Portland.
Rose Quarter security made my son throw away the 6 ounce bottle of water he had in his mini-backpack. Fortunately, the sippy cup went undetected. Security, or just a great way of boosting bottled water sales? It's a lousy way to make a family on a budget feel welcome.
Memorial Colliseum was filled to 6% of capacity, by my calculations (add up all the paid staff and the two hockey teams, and they likely outnumbered the fans). After shelling out $17.50/adult and $5/kid, we got to watch a mediocre hockey match with very low entertainment value. We won't be back.
Posted by Mister Tee | February 15, 2007 6:15 AM
Luke is right except you go to jail after the other passengers get done kicking the stuffing out of you
Posted by Charlie | February 15, 2007 7:15 AM
"The woman was visibly high (The City that Tweaks)...The fellow next to me was missing half his teeth, smelled like he hadn't showered in a month..."
And to think that some people don't enjoy the MAX. Maybe Earl the Pearl (as our new US Senator) can get MAX extended out to my neighborhood, so I can enjoy the fine Portland citizens as well.
Posted by Harry | February 15, 2007 1:13 PM
We took the MAX from downtown to the Rose Quarter last night for a hockey game. The woman next to my 2.5 year old was visibly high. . .while the fellow next to me was missing half his teeth, smelled like he hadn't showered in a month, and had a plastic grocery bag full of library books.
Mister Tee --
Are you upset that those people exist, or just that they're taking public transportation?
Posted by Miles | February 15, 2007 1:59 PM
Hilarious!!! I'm going to try that on my next flight. I always get put next to people who never shut up. I swear I'm being punished for being a good listener.
Just wanted to share this with you all as well...enter in this code (MAXGUEST)on Hotel Deluxe's website (when you book a room) in the corporate rates section and get 15% off their best rate.
http://www.hoteldeluxeportland.com
I'm staying there this weekend with my wife and pooches..it works.
Posted by Patrick Travers | February 16, 2007 2:18 PM
Miles:
I honestly don't care if people want to sit at home in their dirty underwear while smoking crack, eating fritos, and sucking
PBR through a straw. That's their business: to each their own.
When somebody that's high, mentally unstable, and/or wearing clothing soiled with feces climbs aboard MAX with their fritos and PBR, then it becomes my business. I do believe we can enforce minimum standards of personal hygiene and conduct if you want the PRIVILEDGE (not the right) to avail yourself of all public venues (aka libraries, public transit, parks, sidewalks). I also believe that business owners should be entitled to prohibit entry to anybody who doesn't meet the business owner's standards (i.e. No shirt, no shoes, No Service).
Public intoxication, public defecation/urination, possession of controlled substances and drug paraphenalia, public indecency are already against the law. If we augmented the "Downtown Clean and Safe" patrols with 30 uniformed PPB officers 24/7, then we could begin enforcing these laws once again. We would also require additional jail beds, but that's all the county's fault, right?
Posted by Mister Tee | February 18, 2007 2:08 PM