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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Breaking news from Storm Center 9000

Continuing with our live, up-to-the-minute, team coverage of the Portland Snowstorm of the Century.* Our sky cams show some real traffic problems out there. On hilly areas in parks, people on sleds are slipping and sliding, many out of control. Also, there are dogs, many dogs, running around, making navigation through the parks hazardous. A few people have even been seen building moguls on the hills -- a sure way to get oneself suddenly airborne, experts warn.

On the side streets, people are recklessly cross-country skiing. And a sad sign of our violent society, the fluffy snow is being made into makeshift balls, which are being employed as instruments of assault. Children have reportedly been lying on the ground, desperately flailing their arms, and leaving other-worldly body prints in the snow.

Authorities advise that all work should be suspended until conditions improve.

This has been a breaking news update from Storm Center 9000. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming, the daily afternoon festival of rude comments.

* - The century beginning Jan. 1, 2005.

Comments (15)

Here's a hilarious post that said it was from Portland, but the video says "King5" so I assume it's Seattle:


Your on the spot roving correspondent reports that in Inner Southeast, the City's communists are using today's snow to spread their anti-American propaganda.

Jack, you're cracking me up.

Question: If one makes a snow angel on public school property, have church/state principles been violated?

PMG- that video was taken on SW Salmon and 20th

SW Salmon and 20th

Right up the street from the MAC. Good times. AWD doesn't work so well when they're all locked up. The red Subaru should count their blessings there wasn't a MAX train coming through when they hit the bottom of Salmon.

and don't forget our crack team of newshounds will bring you LIVE reports from freeay overpasses, the airport, that cute off-ramp in Troutdale and parks where (gasp) cvhildren will be playing and laughing. Iraq War coverage? We don't need no stinking Iraq War coverage. Or legiuslative coverage. Or, well basically anything that remotely qualifies as NEWS.

hehe i watched that vid this morning on the NWCN thingie. Hey! If you need to chain your AWD or 4WD, you should stay the hell home! Criminy...

Subaru owners should be chained at all times.

Whips are optional.

You valley folks are all a bunch of pansies. Closing schools when you have two inches of snow. We get two feet of snow, and the schools still are open, and we get to drive in it.

</grumpy ol' man>

Seriously, though, just stay indoors if you haven't driven in this stuff -- for the safety of everbody and yourself. I grew up driving in it, and commute to work daily this time of year in it, but if you haven't driven in it, don't.

The new graphic up top is hilarious, Jack.

This just in from your plucky reporter at the Sylvan overpass:

It appears that there has been some decrease in the available light here on the overpass, Experts suggest this may be due to the imminent arrival of "global darkening". Local shamans and the elders speak guardedly of this phenomonon as night.

In further news...

Mary Fetsch, spokesperson for Tri-Met, assures area residents that all buses will be "chained up" by July 4th at the latest. She also recommends all MAX passengers bring ice scrapers or, in a pinch, spatulas to help with ice removal on the overhead wires.

My Subie got me there and back again. No chains or whips needed.

"Tracy, let me interrupt you, we need to immediately go live now to Commissioner Adam's news conference"............(Adams-45 minutes into his news conference)"I want to once again inform our citizens that snow can be slippery..."

I want to know when Fireman Randy is going to propose to tax the snow.....

Or maybe a park sledding fee on the kiddies.....

What an immense source of revenue being so obviously wasted.......

Thanks to the goddam school taking its sweet time deciding to delay and then close, I spent an insane amount of time on the road today. This included some quality parking lot time on I-5 where I enjoyed a delightful air show, courtesy of the tram.

Speaking of the tram, how did it run today? Well? Or not?

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