Mrs. Field's Cookies

No, wait....

Hallmark Cards...for forcing so many holidays with no paid days off on us.

Obesity, tooth decay, probably some environmental dirty laundry -- Mrs. Field, you corporate swine!

Hallmark Cards -- many printed on nonrecycled paper. Plus, cards with both religious and generic "holiday" themes -- sure to offend somebody.

picket one of those fancy maternity-wear boutiques. Everyone loves babies! And mommies! poifect.

Boycott VOODOO donuts. They have no nutritional value, they're deep fried, and they contribute to obesity.

I can even provide a secret video of the grains of wheat screaming in pain as they hit the teeth of the flour mill.

Humans are so indifferent to the suffering of grain crops.

Boycott VOODOO donuts.

I was actually thinking of VooDoo Donuts. The only problem there is they'd get the joke, and that would defeat the whole purpose. Powell's also comes to mind, but that's too big a task.

No, the key is find some poor schlub who woke up that morning thinking it would be another day at the office when all of a sudden all heck broke loose for a day. Jack's spot on with the dentist or florist. There's Balloons on Broadway.

And where else am I gonna get my genitalia shaped, Nyquil-infused, Count Chocula-coated jelly donut?

Picket Lars. His unbelievable volumes of hot air and other forms of air pollution contribute to global warming.

It'd be hard to protest voodoo donuts without getting a donut.
I recommend the Red and Black, a worker owned cooperative and a frequent meeting place of various Portland lefty groups.

Let's picket city hall. It will throw them into mass confusion. Here they are bending over backwards trying to 'protect' the rights of protesters and they themselves get picketed. Now we'll just need a good slogan or 'reason' that we are picketing them - how about, 'they are letting a picketing target get out of town' - like they say, keep Portland weird.

A farmer's market, maybe. Can't imagine anything so (collectively) benign.

I like the farmer's market idea. Coupled with the sentiment "Humans are so indifferent to the suffering of grain crops," this one has legs. We can start working on signs: "French fries are murder" and "Filberts are animals are people, too."

The businesses mentioned in Duin's column today (Binyon Optical and a children's store)? Nah, Good Old Boys are threatened by people who can see and children use resources.

I do agree that the business is waspy, though. And, as I mentioned in a previous post, its' promoters ,the National Animal Interest Alliance ( President Patti Strand is mentioned in today's O) are as overzealous and tricky as anybody out there.

It troubles me that only Randy Leonard seems to be talking about the nasty tactic Schumacher's used.

The popcorn shop on 6th. They are trafficking in trans fat, probably using genically alterered corn, buying their corn from red states and the damn popping violates city noise codes.

KINKO'S.

It's got all the elements of a good protest.

Urban legend says that the name came from its willingness to print kinky (i.e., porn) booklets and develop (*cough*) home photos.

[According to the company, it was the founder's nickname because of his kinky red hair.]

It's owned by megacorp FedEx. And we all know that Portlanders had megacorps, especially those that--heaven forbid--make money.

And, all that printing is unsustainable.

I'm off to my protest. "HEY HO WHADDYA KNOW WE SAY KINKOS GOTS TO GO!"

In other news: The Oregonian reports that the 3rd and Oak develop was supposed to be some vital underpants.

And how, pray tell, do all those victimized vegetables GET to the farmers market?

Not on the trolley, I'll bet.

Unless I missed all those farms downtown.