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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on September 8, 2006 12:40 AM. The previous post in this blog was Words of a dictator. The next post in this blog is The smell gets worse and worse. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Friday, September 8, 2006

Who cares? Opie got re-elected

The story of the City of Portland and campaign finance "performance artist" Emilie Boyles gets funnier every day. According to the kids at the Merc, the city wasn't looking for Boyles at all -- they got a tip from somebody who called in about where she is. "[I]t was decided that the city would be 'cost conscious' going forward with the Boyles case." In other words, since she's broke, she walks.

Oh, and the reason the city's not revealing where Boyles is to the taxpaying public that she fleeced? If it did, employers in her new place might not hire her. Wow, so the city is protecting her now, so that she can pull the wool over some other poor suckers' eyes? Makes you proud to be from Portland, doesn't it?

Best of all, this classic piece of doublethink from City Auditor Gary Blackmer:

"The one thing to keep in mind," Blackmer added, "is that there are rule in place, and if someone wants to break the rules, they're going to get caught, and they're going to pay the price."
What a thing to say, when the exact opposite is the obvious truth.

Comments (26)

As a comedy writer, I usually get a check for every major clown that drifts through our society. When the Unabomber went through the system, I got paid a little. When Monica went through I got paid a lot. At first it seemed like I was getting something extra and nice, especially since I also received the therapeutic value of making fun of these people. Later, however, I came to believe that everyone should get a check for the annoyance of putting up with these losers. For example - I was not paid for this recent creep in Boulder, Colorado. Oh, I suppose I made a few bucks from the radio gig, but I did not receive a check signed by Jay Leno mostly because for the main 2-week stretch of the media frenzy, Leno was off. You know what? I felt cheated. If I have to hear about this little-girl-loving lowlife everyday in the media, then damn it, I want to get paid. It's only fair. Where's the justice? That brings us to Emilie Boyles. I also did not receive a check for her - she just isn't a national or international story. For a while I felt quite resentful. Why should I have to wade through so much about her and her daughter and the Russian guy? It was irritating thinking that our city council wiz kids had allowed this scam artist to take our money. Then I began working on my own personal settlement with her. I began calculating the entertainment value of watching our commissioners look so stupid because of this woman, and I have to admit, it's been pretty funny. Of course, it would be a lot funnier, if I was getting paid, but I've made a separate peace. Now, I do have to say something insensitive about the Divine Miss B, but please understand: It's part of the healing process. So here goes: Do you know how they found Emilie Boyles? They just followed the candy bar wrappers. Okay, dear, we're basically even now. But if you have any of the money leftover, I'd still appreciate it if you sent me a check.

Actually, the best part of that Merc piece happens to be in the comments. Scott Moore (the author of the piece) snaps back Dave Lister so hard that Lister doesn't know what hit him.

Carla:
What is so clever about that? I'm sure if Lister read it he didn't even think it merited a reply, but if he were to respond, there are only about a million clever angles that would "snap back" and be the last word.

Such as: "My campaign was not funded by the taxpayers."

You must really hate Lister to think that Moore's comment was all that clever.

Scott and I trade barbs all the time; we like each other. The Mercury gave me the most positive press of any local media. They're all right in my book.

The city has an interest in seeing Boyles get hired somewhere else. Not only is it good for their collective conscience, but I suppose if she gets hired, there might actually be some wages to garnish to recover some of the lost funds. Less of a turnip, ya know? I bet she sends them a check for 5 or 6 bucks by the end of the year.

How 'bout "Voter-Owned Employment Counseling"

You must really hate Lister to think that Moore's comment was all that clever.

Hate Lister? Huh? I've never met the man and as far as I know, he's never done anything to warrant hating him. So not so much on the hating.

Dave was harping about Boyles owing money when his own campaign debts aren't paid off. It was a great ironic smack and very entertaining.

Are you so defensive as to not even appreciate that kind of irony? Jeez. Lighten up, hon.

The critical difference is that my campaign debts are owed to a guy named Dave Lister, not Portland taxpayers. I figure Dave Lister will carry me for a while.

Pozey: Lister dared to question the Great and Powerful Gap-Toothed Wizard of Sten. And with Carla and her pals, that's not allowed.

Hon.

I'd rather you owed the money to the taxpayers, Dave. At least we'd know for sure it was clean. (And I'm not accusing you--I'm making a point)

Better to work the kinks out of the VOE system than to throw it out because one whacko woman decided to try and take advantage. Frankly, even if VOE had gone off without a hitch, the Bog-ites would still gripe.

Its just what they do.

Pozey: Lister dared to question the Great and Powerful Gap-Toothed Wizard of Sten. And with Carla and her pals, that's not allowed.

Hon.

Jack snookums--you're confused again. Not shocking..but also not correct.

I've never had a problem with Lister questioning anybody on anything. I merely expect Lister to be held to that same standard. You don't.

And therein lies the difference, sweetcheeks.

so..,

Now its clear; money from the government is "clean" - all other money is suspect.

Therefore, government is "clean" by definition.

"Clean" is good.

Therefore government is good.

...sing along, now

Oh, and the reason the city's not revealing where Boyles is to the taxpaying public that she fleeced? If it did, employers in her new place might not hire her.

That actually makes sense, since it is in the City's best interest that she be employed, so that she can have some money for them to take.

God only knows, of course, if they'll actually follow through with their threat, and I can't help but wonder what an employer will do once it realizes that her wages are being garnisheed by the City of Portland. Who would want to keep an employee that was the perpetrator of such fraud?

Now its clear; money from the government is "clean" - all other money is suspect.

Of course its suspect. That's why we have campaign finance disclosure laws. When it comes from the taxpayers we know exactly how it was generated.

I can't believe this actually has to be explained.

"Clean" is good.

Therefore government is good.

As opposed to being financed by the private sector? Absofrigginlutely.

The "government is bad" canard went out with Reagan. Time to catch up.

oops..that wasn't "anonymous just above.

That was moi.

When it comes from the taxpayers we know exactly how it was generated.

Yep. In the case of VOE, taken from the people without a vote.

and...

as I'm sure you'd agree, government is as good as the people who make up the government.

so...

are you sure that canard "went out" as it applies to some government?

Yep. In the case of VOE, taken from the people without a vote.

The people had an opportunity to vote out the main proponent of VOE and he won handily.

as I'm sure you'd agree, government is as good as the people who make up the government.

I do indeed agree. And government can only improve with things like VOE..because it gives good people an opportunity to run without being beholden to special interests and the inevitable corruption that appears to come with it.


are you sure that canard "went out" as it applies to some government?

Yes. Government is inherently a good thing. The overarching theme that "government is bad" is a canard..and an old one at that, as I mentioned.


The people had an opportunity to vote out the main proponent of VOE and he won handily.

...off the point - as usual.

...it gives good people an opportunity to run without being beholden to special interests and the inevitable corruption that appears to come with it.

Do you include coerced union political contributions in your definition of "special interests"? Would those lead to "corruption" as well?

or is "corruption" (like so many of the terms you bandy about) a moving target.

Yes. Government is inherently a good thing.

QED???

Carla: It's been real, albeit somewhat brief. See you on your own blog.

The City of Portland Auditor Can Today Still Choose To "Walk"

Here is a snippet containing my bargain:

"Walk" -- I say again. I might still be satisfied today by a surprise announcement by the state's franchise of the Florida outfit that sits at the head of Certified Internal Auditors that they will propose and support the creation of an oversight board during the next legislative session.

I'd hate to go through all the motions just to have the Auditor play a wait and see game with a wet finger in the air to judge whether to cry uncle in mid-stream.

Recall that my motivation is to address the scope of the exercise of free speech rights by legal staff of public bodies, in the context of their status as officers of the court. The effect upon this particular City Auditor is just chaff.


Portland's new motto; "Better Government through Intimidation".
How's that Carla?
M. the S.P.

How about a new City Ordinance that permits all the Commissioners to use Parks & Recreation employees to provide landscaping services at the Commissioners'
homes and/or rental properties.

What better way to free up their valuable weekend hours so they can spend more time with their adoring public? Heaven forbid that one of our Faithful Leaders might cut themselves while pruning or trimming; what if they fell off a ladder and landed on a yellowjacket nest? And I've read stories about unethical contractors in Chicago who were mowing lawns and providing other services to Selectmen (gratis) in exchange for valuable consideration during public contract negotiations.

We must provide these (and other) vital services to make certain that our City Council can avoid even the appearance of impropriety. If the public doesn't pay for it; we can't blame them if they fall prey to unsolicited bribes and influence peddlers.

carla: Better to work the kinks out of the VOE system than to throw it out
JK: Perhaps you have a suggestion how to change it so that a challenger can actually beat the incumbent? It usually takes outspending, which is impossible under “VOE”.

carla: ...government can only improve with things like VOE..because it gives good people an opportunity to run without being beholden to special interests....
JK: Of course they cannot win, so it just acts as anti-term limits.

They there’s an idea - how about term limits for the city fathers? Say one term.

Thanks
JK

Carla's narrow mindedness has her incappable of seeing the elephant in the room.
Government agencies around here won't be improvded by VOE..because they are too beholden to THEIR OWN special interests and the inevitable corruption that appears to come with it.

Carla's lockstep camp is the enabling force which sustains this very entrentched own interests status quo.

I laugh at Carla's make believe world that has her so cozy with our local good government.


Quick question, in the interest of transparency... To "Jim Pozey" -- are you former mayoral candidate James Posey?

I doubt it.


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