It takes two (Jack Bog's Blog)

Now that we've all learned how to put the [rim shot] in after every mention of the OHSU Medical Group aerial tram [rim shot], it's time to get to work implementing another important style suggestion made by a regular reader here. That is, whenever the word "linchpin" is used to describe the latest Portland development swindle, replace it with "UNDERPANTS" (and I'm thinking all upper case).

So far, it's not quite fitting. Here's a quotation from this morning's OHSU Apology Journal (a.k.a. The Oregonian):

The tram, a $15.5 million linchpin in the $2 billion redevelopment of South Waterfront, has tripled in price and spun into an election-season nightmare for Saltzman.

You can't just stick "UNDERPANTS" in there, people. Too clumsy:

The tram, a $15.5 million UNDERPANTS in the $2 billion redevelopment of South Waterfront, has tripled in price and spun into an election-season nightmare for Saltzman.

I'm going to offer a friendly amendment to the reader's suggestion and change the insertion to "PAIR OF UNDERPANTS." Thus:

The tram, a $15.5 million PAIR OF UNDERPANTS in the $2 billion redevelopment of South Waterfront, has tripled in price and spun into an election-season nightmare for Saltzman.

There. Better?

Maybe not. Thoughts?

Comments (21)

Jack....reducing "pair of underpants" to its initials, POU, kinda sounds like what it really is....and smells like too? It may work just fine.

Posted by veiledorchid | April 27, 2006 6:48 AM

PODU
Pair Of Dirty Underpants

Posted by Steve Schopp | April 27, 2006 7:09 AM

I think it might be more effective to tell the real story of the choices that were made by this council when they divert money to the ever increasing black hole of profits for some and suffering for others.

Like The TRAM, which sucked up taxes and kept kids from getting medical care and head start. The much advertised Children's Initiative which only covers a fraction of TIF tax dollars diverted from the county's social services to children.

I hope folks are going to open thier eyes and look past the slick advertisements and the tokenism it represents and look at things like Wapito Jail, the number of people on the streets, the schools in crisis, and send a strong message that things have got to change.

Its a lot more that the tram and its underpants, it is the citizens of Portland, who are good people getting a snow job from the existing representatives.

Posted by Swimmer | April 27, 2006 7:21 AM

How about "jockstrap"? It has that snappy "linchpin" sound to it and refers to that phallic "let's fly through the air in expensive technology because we can" attitude.

Posted by Jo | April 27, 2006 7:38 AM

Jack, your blog has now risen to the #4 ranked result when one googles "rim shot"

Wow!

Posted by Kent | April 27, 2006 8:35 AM

"SKID MARK" seems fitting.

Posted by geno | April 27, 2006 8:58 AM

Jo's on the right track. We need a singular noun with two syllables and some zip to it. Maybe the name of a linchpin-shaped object. For once I'll spare the more delicate readers and not say it out loud, but it's an anagram of "ODDLI".

Posted by Tasteless Tattler | April 27, 2006 9:01 AM

I think you should keep "linchpin" but follow it with another sound a nightclub drummer would make after a one-liner. That would be true to the rim-shot genre. How about "Ba-doom!"

Posted by Bill McDonald | April 27, 2006 9:54 AM

Second Jo's call for jockstrap. Fills original contributer's intent with better rhythm & zing (even zap).

Posted by Sally | April 27, 2006 10:09 AM

The tram is the "dildo" for North Macadam. (The tram cars looks like an enlarged "dildo")

Posted by Lee | April 27, 2006 11:01 AM

I like the PODU.

This is because, as we all know, a pair of underpants is a lie, because the "pair" is nothing but a couple of holes. Ergo, a pair of dirty underpants is a dirty lie.

The tram *rimshot* is the $57 million PAIR OF DIRTY UNDERPANTS holding together the whole investment program of SoWhat.

As for another drummer counterpoint, I'm real fond of *cymbalcrash*, but tend to use it when either a point is made, or a nefarious supposition is made.

Posted by godfry | April 27, 2006 11:56 AM

Ditto on Dildo and then we could all call Dan Saltzman, 'Steely Dan'.

Posted by tom | April 27, 2006 11:59 AM

Thank you for making me choke on my tea.

"$15.5 million PAIR OF UNDERPANTS" -- love it.

Posted by ellie | April 27, 2006 12:08 PM

""""The tram *rimshot* is the $57 million PAIR OF DIRTY UNDERPANTS holding together the whole investment program of SoWhat.""""

Holding together or sticking together?

Posted by Steve Schopp | April 27, 2006 12:33 PM

Ewww.

Posted by Jack Bog | April 27, 2006 1:42 PM

I suggest knickers, as in "knickers in a knot," the slightly more polite version of "panties in a bunch." Two syllables, doesn't need the "pair of," and might make it past more spam filters.

Posted by Gary | April 27, 2006 2:13 PM

I think I found a word that is really true to the spirit in which "linchpin" is used: MacGuffin.

Probably not enough people would get the joke, though.

Posted by Alan DeWitt | April 27, 2006 3:10 PM

It stinks like yesterday's diapers.

Posted by bromo | April 27, 2006 3:35 PM

I vote for Dildo. To avoid censors, you could use d*ldo. I had to look it up, but I think the definition fits perfectly the function of the TR*M, which, all by itself, is beginning to look like a dirty word to me.
For a band sound, *tittyboom* might work?

Posted by mac | April 27, 2006 8:13 PM

The tram is North Macadam's d*ldo that is "sticking" it to the Portland taxpayers.

Sorry, please excuse me.

Posted by Jerry | April 27, 2006 9:38 PM

Dildo makes sense for linchpin.

"Pair of Dirty Underpants" may be a better replacement for "public-private partnership".

Posted by PanchoPdx | April 28, 2006 10:42 PM

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Thursday, April 27, 2006

It takes two

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