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Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Mildly Nauseating Publication of the Year

While in the supermarket checkout line last night, I spied the latest issue of Portland Monthly. This publication has been with us for more than two years now, and it's made quite a little business out of surveys and lists that get people to buy it. Best 100 doctors in Portland, best 100 lawyers, best schools, best neighborhoods, etc. In some ways, it's a print comeback to blogging, I think. Rich people pick it up to see themselves in print without having to learn Blogger.

As you can tell, I've never been impressed. My name was in there once, but still I wouldn't pay for the thing. And although the Mrs. has brought home a few copies, the closest I get to buying one is leafing through it for free once in a while as I'm waiting to pay for groceries. (They sent a guy out to interview me a few months back, but nothing ever came of it. I might have bought a copy or two for the archives if something had. See? Their marketing plan works.)

Anyway, so there I am last night. I see from the cover that this month, they've got the 25 top movers and shakers of 2005, or some such title. O.k., I'll take the bait.

I don't have to turn many pages to see where this is going: Homer Williams. The head of nursing at OHSU. The Ripe people. Arlene Schnitzer...

Just then it's my turn to get my chicken strips up onto the belt, and it's just as well. I've seen enough. I'm sure Randy Gragg must be in there somewhere. How depressing. Next time I think I'll go back to just staring at the Tic Tacs.

Portland Monthly needs a subtitle. "Official Magazine of the Recent Cal Transplant Condo Dweller"? Nah, too long. How about "Chronicling the Downfall of a Nice Little City"? "An Alternative to Critical Thinking"? "Of the Pearl, by the Pearl, for the Pearl"? Come on, readers, help me out.

Comments (32)

As a longtime Portland resident (and former student of Jack's), I have watched over the years as various glossy monthlies have come and gone. But this one seems to be doing well. Magazines make much more money off add pages, not subscription or point of sale purchases (hell, they even give away subscriptions so that advertisers will buy ad space), but this magazine is thick with glossy adds for real estate and luxury products. Ten years ago this rag would not have had a chance. The writing is generally second rate and shallow, but now it doesn't matter. As Jack points out, there is a demographic now that will support such a magazine. So, like Los Angeles (Los Angeles magazine), New York (New York magazine), and Seattle (Seattle Monthly, which may be owned by the same group as PM, not sure about that), Portland has arrived at the tipping point where we can support a magazine such as this, for good or bad. Again, Jack is right-these magazines are interchangeable-lists, stories and pictures about rich people/movers and shakers, high end restaurants/real estate/puff pieces on home furnishing/luxury products...Portland has arrived!

New York magazine is nothing like these others. It's long been noted for real investigative journalism and wit, and if nothing else it's a weekly that serves useful functions like listing movie times and the opening hours of museums.

What amazes me about Portland Monthly is that they were in town about 6 months before they started spitting out Best of lists. You would think you'd want to have your zip code memorized before you declared yourself an expert.

And all those ad pages: I bet they give a lot of that stuff away. It certainly goes hand in hand (and I mean this in the sense of fractured ethics) with a lot of their content.

It's interesting to see how we look to some black-T-shirt hipster who's been here a year and a half. But let them get a blog -- I ain't paying for it.

Get use to these lists, it's one of the things the dead tree media excel at. Forbes magazine has a list a week--rarely having anything to do with money or finance (though they get close this week, with a list of the most expensive toys this year). What's next for Portland Monthly? Hottest cup of coffee? Biggest hot dog? Sloppiest burrito? If they really wanted to add value, they should have a list of the top 10 boondoggles of the year.

How about a magazine article listing the top ten magazines articles and then a top ten list of the top ten lists......MY little birdies have a infinite supply of bird cage liners!!

Perhaps..." PEARL BEFORE SWINE " would be a fitting title....IMHO !

Portland Monthly did a piece on me, and I spotted a tennis racket in their offices, so the picture had me in a business suit, playing tennis. I thought it symbolized their audience pretty well. When it came out the subtitle was something like “Leno’s Favorite Joke Writer” which just isn’t true. I’m a freelancer sitting in a basement in Southeast Portland. Leno’s favorite joke writers are making the big bucks in L.A. Why the need to hype a fairly fun story, when doing so could screw up my gig? So guess which list I put them on?

More than a decade ago (1992), in the intro to the first isue of my short-lived book review magazine, I had a little essay about city magazines that seems to still be true.

It's interesting to see how we look to some black-T-shirt hipster who's been here a year and a half.

Get your vernacular straight, Jack. A hipster lives in NoPo, has fashionably greasy hair, and a cocaine habit. S/he wouldn't be caught dead reading Portland Monthly.

What you're thinking of...well if it walks, talks, and looks like a yuppie, it's a yuppie (even in '05).

If they really wanted to add value, they should have a list of the top 10 boondoggles of the year.

Unfortunately, said list would feature some perilous overlaps with some of the folks on the "Top 25 movers and shakers" list.

A hipster lives in NoPo, has fashionably greasy hair, and a cocaine habit.

I guess I meant a poseur. month on the 'Portland Monthly'..Top 10 Ariel Tram failures..(rim shot)..

How about "20 Sizzling Ways to Blow Your Tax Dollars Wrecking Portland"?

I am here to defend the honor of at least one of the twenty-five "It" people in the Portland Magazine: my co-worker Marshall Runkel.

While I have not had the chance to pick up the magazine yet (I will!), Marshall is not a Pearl denizen - though I have seen him sip a vietnamese coffee - and has been seen in NoPo with greasy hair.

He is, however, different than what seems to be the other notable folks -- he has dedicated his life to improving Portland and the opportunities for the poor and the lost. While potentially a narcoleptic (he can sleep anywhere) Marshall is certainly a bright and shining light for Portland and we are very glad to have him at One Economy Corporation.

How about just public transportation failures? Like the Las Vegas monorail which after 18 months of semi-daily operation has half its projected ridership and loses $50k-a-day? And that's in one of America's fastest growing cities!

Has the issues of tram advertising ever come up? It's one thing to see Jeff and Kelley on a bus, but how about suspended over rush hour traffic on I-5? Talk about creepy.

I hope ODOT outlaws ads on the outside of the tram. Just the plain gondolas alone are going to cause accidents when the grandmas driving up I-5 to Lloyd Center from Albany get startled. "What was that, Lucille? It's a dang UFO! Help me find my teeth." Then we'll have to drop a couple of hundred thousand for flashing lights and signs that say "Warning: Aerial Tram Overhead, 1/4 Mile."

Wow, I just took a comment thread on my own blog further off topic.

Gm writes:
Portland has arrived at the tipping point where we can support a magazine such as this, for good or bad. Again, Jack is right-these magazines are interchangeable-lists, stories and pictures about rich people/movers and shakers, high end restaurants/real estate/puff pieces on home furnishing/luxury products...Portland has arrived!

Welcome to the club. Bend has had Bend Living for a year and half, maybe two years now. If you are going to hype real estate and restaurants, go less on the 'list of the month' and more on the upscale show homes and fine dining. From the Middle of Nowhere, Kiki has done a good job. The current issue has a history (not quite a list, but almost!) of ex- and future Winter Olympians.

Change the name to The Portland Monthlies and call it PMS.

"The head of nursing at OHSU"? Really? I wonder how trying to fire one of our best nurses, who not-so-coincidentally filed a successful unsafe staffing complaint with the state, makes a person a "mover and shaker" in the mind of Portland Monthly.

Since the attempted termination failed, I'd say the movers and shakers in nursing at OHSU continue to be the members and staff of the Oregon Nurses Association.

Give 'em hell, Amanda! You'll be out of there soon! He he!

Wow, you guys are harsh on the Portland Monthly. It is what it is. Lots of great pictures, a few little-dity articles and a ton of ads. Something to flip through, not flip out about.

Jack wrote, """"Wow, I just took a comment thread on my own blog further off topic."""""""

Well now that you have, and the Tram and OHSU have been mentioned.

People you must read this WW story from 1998

I like the ads.

I like the restaurant reviews.

The stories are OK.

And Homer Williams... how could he *not* be one of the movers and shakers. Say what you will abotu SoWa, it's the biggest redevelopment project in this town ever.

i agree with ema, get over yourselves. i enjoy portland monthly in the same way i enjoy the O or the WWeek or the Mercury or the Scanner - and the St. John's Sentinel. They are methods to deliver some sort of news about Portland. in this month's Portland Monthly is a story about the tram at Meier and Frank that has been running for 40 years or so. I haven't seen boo about such a topic in any blog of note. further, i see a story about the future implosion of trojan. that's news. Jack, have you talked about that in your blog? is anyone else providing such news?
i'm just saying, it's just another outlet for news and it's really as simple as that.

and yes people, portland has arrived. deal with it or move to scottsdale.

>>Wow, I just took a comment thread on my own blog further off topic.

Does that mean you're on time-out?

Seriously though, the issue of exterior advertising on that thing does need to be addressed otherwise we're gonna have Joe Donlan's disembodied head staring down at us from the heavens. They might even backlight it at night. That sight may cause Louise to lose more than her teeth.

I hope ODOT outlaws ads on the outside of the tram.

Personally, I'd pay good money if they could slap a huge neon drawing of Tom Peterson (with or without Gloria) up there. Can you think of anything better than a huge neon Tom Peterson flying over I-5? I cannot.

"Can you think of anything better than a huge neon Tom Peterson flying over I-5? I cannot."

How about Vera?


Would that be the same Marshall Runkel who was Erik Sten's hatchetman against Nick Fish last year who claimed publicly he was a friend of Nick Fish's? Glad he's gotten recognition.

I'm tempted to add a little history here, since some of the hysterical figures are still around. Back in 1970-71, Phil Stanford came out from D.C. to start a newsprint rag called Oregon Times, base a bit on I.F. Stone's Weekly (for which he'd worked) and a bit on The Nation. It was a pretty good lefty investigative monthly for a few years. And, of course, lost tons of money. Phil either bowed out or was forced out and I remember Tom Bates became editor for awhile. Finally, under the great liberal benefactor Win McCormick, it morphed into a glossy coffee table magazine.

For years, every time I ran into Win, I'd ask him if he was going to run the article, "10 Best Hot Tub Spas for Dogs." Finally, Oregon magazine (the Times part was dropped earlier) became so insipid it just died in the mid-80s.

It seems there have been several incarnations of slick and superficial magazines in Portland. None have lasted more than a few years. Their market is their advertising base, not their readers. And who can stand to read a totally advertising-oriented magazine, unless trapped on an airplane? After awhile, the advertisers figure out they are not getting their money's worth and they place advertising elsewhere.

The first subtitle that occurs to me is unprintable, but maybe "Your guide to PDX yuppie theme park" would work? Re: Norunklefan's comment, I can't help noticing how Portland "outsider" , Nick Fish, was an insider's insider in New York.

PM: "where vanity & validation meet"

Paul, Could you explain how your excitement that SoWa "being Portlands bigest redevelopment project ever" merits your excitement? Please think of some of the particulars about the project like traffic, heights, tax abatements of various kinds, etc.


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Lange, Pinot Gris 2015
Kiona, Lemberger 2014
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Aix, Rosé de Provence 2016
MarchigĂĽe, Cabernet 2013
Inazío Irruzola, Getariako Txakolina Rosé 2015
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Kirkland, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2016
Cantele, Salice Salentino Reserva 2013
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Cleto Charli, Lambrusco di Sorbara Secco, Vecchia Modena
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Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Rosé 2016
Stoller, Pinot Noir Rosé 2016
Chehalem, Inox Chardonnay 2015
The Four Graces, Pinot Gris 2015
GascĂłn, Colosal Red 2013
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L'Ecole No. 41, Merlot 2013
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Wraith, Cabernet, Eidolon Estate 2012
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Tomassi, Valpolicella, Rafaél, 2014
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Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
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Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
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Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
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Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
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Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
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Miles run year to date: 113
At this date last year: 155
Total run in 2016: 155
In 2015: 271
In 2014: 401
In 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
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In 2009: 67
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In 2003: 269

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