While we're all anxiously awaiting the outcome of The Most Important Election of Our Lifetimes, I hear rumblings that there's some monkey business going on at Metro.

At the risk of exposing myself as a lazy man, let me ask my readers what they've heard about this. By nightfall, I'll bet we have some good links to the latest scoop.

I'm a big land use planning fan, but I'm very, very suspicious of "unique" governmental bodies such as Metro. I can't believe the cities and counties can't do this work without all the additional bureaucracy (and another unwatched pot of tax dollars waiting to be wasted or stolen).

Maybe this issue will educate me further about Metro's pluses and minuses.

If you're elected next Tuesday, can we please stop calling it "the homeland"? And get rid of the "colors of terror" nonsense?

It sounds like the old Soviet Union. Or bad science fiction. Or "1984." Or the 19th Century.

We don't need p.r. mind games. We need leadership.

I just noticed last night that the ballot here in Multnomah County has one very misleading feature -- the caption on Measure 26-60. It's entitled "County Term Limits," when it's actually a repeal of county term limits that are already in place.

Especially since the corresponding caption on Measure 26-64 correctly labels that measure as "REPEALS 2004, 2005 COUNTY INCOME TAX FOR SCHOOLS, OTHER SERVICES," the headline on 26-60 is downright confusing. It really should have had the word "repeal" in it.

I wonder how many people will vote yes on 26-60 when they really mean no. (And of course, how many have already done so.)

And he's a U of O grad (undergrad degree in economics; law degree from Cal).

Here's an odd news story. Exactly what is going on out there, folks?

So sad, what we're becoming.

The more I think about it, the happier I am that I voted yes on Oregon Ballot Measure 34. My misgivings about the voters taking these matters into their own hands have evaporated. The state Forestry Board members have frightening conflicts of interest, and there's no hope of getting a reasonable forest management plan out of the red-meat-Republican Oregon House.

As I concluded when I decided to vote for the measure, this is a war, wherein all is fair.

And to recap my other important votes:

POTUS: Kerry/Edwards!
Secretary of State: Bill Bradbury.
Portland Mayor: Tom Potter!
Portland City Council: Nick Fish!
Multnomah County measures:
26-58, salary commission to set salaries: No.
26-59, county lobbyist: Yes.
26-60, repeal term limits: No.
26-64, repeal county income tax: No.
Statewide ballot measures:
31, election postponed if candidate dies: No.
33, medical marijuana changes: No.
35, limits on pain and suffering awards in medical malpractice cases: No!
36, ban homosexual marriage: No!
37, government must pay to regulate property uses: No!
38, abolish SAIF: No.

Don't look now, but your ballot needs to be in by Tuesday night, and it's now Friday. If you haven't yet voted, do it now!

Whatever happened to moderate Republicans in Oregon?

Now we've got Mark Hatfield backing George "Pre-emptive War" Bush. Jack Roberts and his boy Jim Zupancic are out making "greedy trial lawyers" the issue of the day.

They're all getting behind tightie-righties like Betsy Close and Goli Ameri. And they stand by silently while misleading attack ads imply obvious falsehoods, such as Geraldine Ferraro or John McCain endorsing Ameri.

Kevin Mannix wins all the arguments over there, I guess. What next: Bob Packwood switching from box wine to Budweiser?

Earlier tonight I was complaining that I needed sleep. But now I realize that I must have dozed off in my office chair, and I'm dreaming. There's a crescent moon out there where a full moon is supposed to be. And the radio's telling me that the Red Sox won the World Series. John Kerry actually has a decent chance of becoming President. And now I look down and I've got no pants on.

Heh, heh, just a dream. See you in the morning.

...that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?

So it is with ORblogs, our state's own wonderful blog headquarters. It's been down for a couple of days while its server was physically moved to the Beaver State. Now it's back.

Only when it was down did I realize how valuable it is.

UPDATE, 10/27, 10:40 p.m.: Not so fast. While it was up at my office, it's not currently up at my house. I know nothing about this, but I seem to recall there's some sort of "propagation" that has to take place with internet addresses. So for those of you (us) whose ORblogs is still down, please stand by.

Today has been one of those days on which I learn, the hard way, the value of saying "no" sometimes.

Like the youngsters say, "It's all good," but there sure is a lot of it. Time to head home for a late dinner and some vegetation. Something soothing on the stereo, or mindless on the tube. Kiss the kids. Hug the spouse. Pet the cats. Early crash. Long slumber.

I must have missed the memo on "meme." For the better part of two years, I've been reading this word in various places across the blogosphere, and I've never really understood what it meant. I didn't even know how to pronounce it. (Turns out, it's "meem.")

Finally, last night, I tripped across a pretty nice article in The New York Times that fills us in. Somewhat. It's still a little vague, but a fuzzy picture is better than being in the dark, which is where I was before.

An alert reader sends along this sordid tale.

Portland City Council candidate Nick Fish tells me he's still confident as the election moves into the final week. A poll in today's Portland Tribune has him up 5 percent over his rival, Sam Adams. He's got TV and radio ads going, and in response to some "constructive criticism," he's gotten some more lawn signs out. Fish still thinks he's going to win.

I hope he's right. As I've said here more than a few times, Adams is a Macchiavellian leftover from the Vera Katz era -- an era that we all need to put an end to, and fast. He was the mayor's economic development "expert" at a time when we lost businesses and jobs, with all our efforts going into ugly subsidized condo towers and gigantic wastes of money like the Convention Center expansion and PGE Park. Sorry, Sam, you need to do some penance for all that, in the state legislature or on the county commission.

But as a Fish fan, I'm not brimming with confidence. The Tribune polls are not the world's most accurate; even they show a huge undecided bloc; and maybe it's just my media habits, but I haven't heard or seen a Fish ad since the primary.

Guess we'll be biting our nails on this one right up to the end.

UPDATE, 10/26, 11:00 p.m.: I finally heard a Fish ad on the radio. It's an endorsement by (nondisgraced) former Gov. Barbara Roberts, and it aired on Radio America, or whatever the Al Franken network is called.

The usual weeknight routine at my place of work is being interrupted this evening by a memorial service. I didn't know the man, but I know there are a lot of very good people in a lot of pain right now. My sympathies.

They busted a notorious Portland graffiti "tagger" last week. This guy had been all over town with the spray paint, for weeks. He's 20 years old and lives in Beaverton. He had an accomplice with him when he was caught, but their story is that the one is the main man.

I'm not going to link to the news stories about this fellow because they came too close to glorifying him. Surely they gave him exactly the kind of publicity that will thrill him.

Here's what has to happen next. Multnomah County criminal court judges, please note:

1. Restitution. And if his parents insist on whining about what a "good kid" he is, maybe they'd like to pay for the damage he caused.

2. Mental health services. Graffiti taggers are sick people. This kid needs help. Maybe his parents should have to go in, too.

3. Communty service. I'd say 3 hours for every tag he confesses to, with some reduction if he rats on others in the "community of taggers" (as a busted graffitist once put it).

4. Last chance. Serious probation, with the next graffiti offense bringing real jail time.

Thanks to the Portland police officers who caught this guy in the act.

The old property tax bill came in the mail this week. We're up only 2.26 percent over the previous bill, which is a nice relief from last year, when we saw an eye-popping 8.89 percent annual increase.

Also in the mail this week came a brochure from the Portland Development Commission, which wants to know what we think about a proposed new "industrial urban renewal" zone in North and Northwest Portland. The brochure touts all the "job creating" advantages of fronting public money to clean up environmentally screwed-up sites so that industry can develop the property. Eventually, they promise, property tax rolls also increase, and so the tax dollars we invest now pay for themselves.

I dunno. I'm looking at that property tax bill, and 8.14 percent of what I'm paying is already going to something called "Urban Renewal - Portland." The brochure assures me that "this is not a new tax" and "it does not change with the addition of a new [urban renewal area]."

What I'd like to know, though, is exactly where that 8.14 percent of my property tax bill is going. Not explained in the brochure.

And who owns the property that we're going to clean up for them in the new urban renewal area? What's that property already worth? And can anyone give us a projection as to how many millions of dollars private industry stands to make off the project? Not in the brochure.

You'll pardon me for being suspicious. But the mailing contains a lovely statement from, and photo of, the chairman of the PDC, Matt Hennessee, who goes way, way back with a certain "disgraced former governor." As does the current CEO of the PDC, Don Mazziotti.

Gee, those guys wouldn't sell us a bill of goods just to make a buck for their buddies in the West Hills and elsewhere in corporate America. Would they?

Are you like me? Do you pay the "stupidity tax" now and then -- that is, play the state lottery?

I get into Oregon Megabucks when the jackpot gets big enough. And it's now the largest in state history -- nominally, more than $23 million. After taxes, it's probably something like $6 million plus in immediate cash.

The odds of winning the jackpot are roughly 6.136 million to 1, and you get two entries for a buck, and so I think the winner gets pretty fair odds when the jackpot's this big.

The next drawing is Monday night; if nobody wins there, we'll have another chance to be stupid on Wednesday and again on Saturday. Somebody's got to win it, and this could be the week.

If I win, I'll be sure to blog about it.



Not.

I hadn't checked in with Borowitz for a while, but I see he's still his usual self:

“Thanks to the failed policies of George Bush, it is now easier to get a nuclear weapon than a flu shot,” Mr. Kerry said.

Elsewhere, Teresa Heinz Kerry apologized today for saying that Laura Bush never held a real job, noting that for the past twenty-seven years Mrs. Bush has worked with the mentally impaired.

The oldies radio station here in Portland has suddenly added '70s music to its mix throughout the day. And while the '60s roll on, lots of music from the '50s appears to be on its way off the FM airwaves in these parts.

I suspect this decision was made as part of a a format shift at lots of other stations around the country that use the same playlist.

It's a little disarming when you hit the car radio button that used to give you Neil Sedaka, "Wipe Out," and the Chiffons, and out comes Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, or Joni Mitchell singing "Help Me" instead. But hey, it's been more than 30 years since the early '70s -- if that doesn't make it an oldie, what would? And no doubt the old-timers who mooned and Juned in their primes back in the '50s are getting too old to buy stuff that they hear advertised on the radio.

After a while, we'll get used to it, I guess. Any change to the playlist over there is generally welcome. Those guys usually take the same 100 songs and beat them to death for months on end. "You Were on My Mind"; "The Letter"; "Secret Agent Man." Enough!

When Devo comes on, though, I'm checking myself into a retirement home.

Can't decide which bothers me more -- this or this.

I'm not all that keen on this, either.

Oh, well. In two weeks it will all be over.

I hope.

Here's a new-ish Portland blog worth a look. It's by somebody named Rozanne, and it's called Is There Anything of Interest? She also links to a blog by Julia Sweeney. Who knew?

Sometime his morning, this blog passed the 200,000-visit mark, according to Site Meter. That's 43 days since we passed 175K, and 115 days since 150K.

Glad to be of service. Love to watch the odometer turn.

This election season is getting weirder and weirder. Now The Oregonian, which recently out-ed David Wu for his assault on his college girlfriend 25 years ago, is asking his opponent for Congress, Goli Ameri, to stop quoting The O's story on the subject.

"We strongly object to the use of our reporting in any political advertisement, particularly in attack ads, which by nature are meant to inflame rather than inform," Sandy Rowe, editor of The Oregonian, said in comments published in Friday's edition of the newspaper.

I am not making this up. The Oregonian now says it doesn't want to be quoted in any political ad.

How totally, utterly bizarre. Hey, Sandy, just what did you think was going to happen?

When I was a kid, one of the children's publications we used to read had a feature called "Fun Facts to Know and Tell."

I couldn't help but think of that column when I read the following facts in today's paper:

The United States carries the biggest deficit and debt loads among the world's advanced economies, borrowing a daily $1.7 billion from abroad, mainly from China and Japan.

So the money we're putting in rich people's pockets through the tax cuts is really just being borrowed from the Chinese. Wow. So the American kids who are dying to supposedly "democratize" Iraq are doing so while our leaders put us further and further in debt to the last communist superpower. With serious nukes.

We vote these clowns back in, we deserve everything we get.

When I keep saying that Portland has become a dangerous place, I get shouted down. Stuff like this happens, and this, and it's forgotten the next day.

Earth to Vera! Earth to Derrick! Where the heck are you? Apparently not busy with public safety.

It will be interesting to see what the response to the latest shooting incident is. And compare it to what the reaction would have been if it were in the Pearl District.

As Cousin James would say, Life 101 is taking precedence over blogging today. (Life 102 and 103 are also in sesson.) I'll see you tonight. Think about how miracles do happen. And have a great day.

The major political parties are sending people around to collect Oregon voters' ballots and deliver them to the county elections offices on their behalf.

Anyone who would hand their ballot to someone they don't know personally is a fool.

I don't care if they're wearing an ID tag.

I don't care whether they look honest and official.

I don't care that they mean well.

I don't care that they'd be risking jail if they took your ballot and didn't deliver it.

With all the vote fraud going on in this country -- and especially given all the additional opportunities for fraud that Oregon's wacky vote-by-mail experiment creates -- people need to exercise the utmost caution.

When your ballot is complete, put a 37-cent stamp on it, walk it to your nearest public mailbox, and drop it in.

Don't hand it to a stranger.

Don't even leave it out on your own mailbox for the mail carrier to collect.

And be sure to follow all the instructions for completing the ballot. If it's deficient in any way, you can be sure that this time, there will be somebody at the electons bureau to challenge it.

It can really cause you to slim down, all right.

One good reason to vote early is to enable oneself to forget about election politics for a couple of weeks. Campaigns always get tiresome by the end, but this time around in Portland and Oregon, the late-inning proceedings are taking some especially ugly turns.

Take mayoral candidate Tom Potter. He's livid (or at least saying that he's livid) that there's a political action committee with his name on it (Go Potter Go Committee) running around endorsing a candidate in the Fish-Adams City Council contest. Potter has steadfastly avoided picking a horse in that race, and he says it's wrong for the PAC to appropriate his name and then take a stand that he doesn't support.

I agree with him, but I'm not sure what the solution is. Surely he had no objection to the PAC using his name when his own race was the only one the PAC was speaking out on. So it's not the use of his name per se that's the problem. What should the rule be, then? That a PAC with a candidate's name on it can't take stands in other races? Or that it can't take those stands without the named candidate's permission? Potter may be right, but fashioning a remedy implicates some sensitive free-speech issues.

Then there's the guy who's been inserting parody position statements about statewide ballot measures into the Oregon Voter's Pamphlet. For example, under the discussion of Measure 36, which would ban gay marriage, this author, N. Dennis Moore (his or her real name?), has filed -- as the first several statements "in favor" -- some wicked send-ups of the arguments of the measure's backers.

"Marriage is not sacred," he says. "Marriage is for wimps and sissies!"

Oregon public policy should define marriage in accordance with divinely inspired Scripture. Therefore, marriage licenses should be granted only to those persons who have been certified by professional psychiatric examination to be too weak-willed to abstain from sex.

Oh, by the way, although Jesus never said a single word condemning homosexuality, if heterosexuals can't get married, homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to marry either—well, unless they're too weak-willed to abstain. Sissies!

The sissy institution of marriage must not be perverted by sinners who are capable of abstaining! The sacred union of church and state must prohibit the immoral union of men and women capable of the discipline of sexual abstinence. We are not saved by either faith or good works. We are saved by religious-right legislation!

Freedom of religion and equal treatment under law is simply the special right to sin, because our tradition is the one and only truth! And our tradition (that is, our personal moral opinions) should become law.

AGREE WITH US OR BURN IN HELL!

Another Moore statement "in favor" proclaims: "Traditional morality must become Oregon public policy. All of it. And the older the tradition, the better. The separation of church and state be damned. " Elsewhere, he shouts, "VOTE TO TURN THE CLOCK BACK!" and "LEAVE IT TO BEAVER!"

Funny stuff, to some of us. And no doubt someone paid the requisite fee to have these messages printed in the pamphlet. But is rapier wit what we want of that document? Moreover, is it right that someone who clearly wants a measure to fail can publish an argument against that measure in the "pro" section of the pamphlet, by couching it as a parody of the proponents' position?

I don't think so. Sooner or later, this sort of thing will get completely out of control, and something will have to be done. But again, fashioning a remedy will be a tricky business.

Which is why the Mrs. and I are going to get out the No. 2 pencils and get our ballots out of here soon. Whereupon we'll be free, if we wish, to ignore the sad and homely political process until the long-awaited night of reckoning, Nov. 2, 2004.

Leave it to my readers to help me solve life's little mysteries. Yesterday I wondered aloud, "Who's posting those large 'Vote Early' signs on all the telephone poles in my neighborhood?" One observant reader has pointed out that the fine print at the bottom of the sign refers you here (the site of a pro-Kerry group). Another notes that by having the faithful in Democratic stronghold neighborhoods vote early, canvassers for Kerry can concentrate their hounding on voters who haven't voted, thus producing a bigger "blue" turnout. They won't be wasting their time preaching to the choir.

I learn something new every day. Thanks, folks.

All over our part of Portland, somebody's put up large, expensive-looking signs on the utility poles that say "Vote Early." They're all illegally placed.

What is the point of this? I know the line about how voting early gets political canvassers to stop bugging you -- once they see that you've voted, they move on (if you'll pardon the expression) to others. But is that all this is about?

What is it about voting early that's worth all the expense and trouble that the sign-hangers are going through? Are they afraid that if people don't vote early, they'll forget to vote at all?

And who are "they"? The Bushies? The lefties? Since it's Portland, I would guess that it's the Democrats. Why are they going through this?

To me, it's just more confusing noise in a political atmosphere that's already charged with a cacophony of messages of dubious validity.

Whoever it is, I sure hope they plan to take all those signs down once the opportunity to "vote early" is past -- say, by the middle of next week. Meanwhile, I await the graffitists' clever "additions" to the curious message.

George Bush is accusing John Kerry of fear-mongering.

Takes one to know one.